OK, heres my drift. 
It was very good, one of the few stories I actually read (I usually read poems because I can stay awake long enough to finish 
) Like you said, it was a little strange, but in some cases, like this one, strange can be a good thing. I didn't see any mistakes, although I don't know why you think spying is perverted (not that I see that as a mistake), and I don't know how anyone cannot be addicted to doughnuts!
TG
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Things I've mentioned in other chapters still apply, like info blocks and such.
Yeah, it's a bit of an odd chapter, but no worries. That's what makes it fun to read.
Is the last line going to be elaborated upon? It would be pretty cool if it came back later, but up until now, it doesn't really do too much.
I really love this! How you keep fitting in the dougnut thing is really cool. Also, now I'm starting to remember who's who (which is amazing for me,) and you're finally telling us their powers!
Does the General use his power to control the others? And is he mean, or when he calls them jerks and stuff (in the other chapters,) is he just joking?
Well, off to read the next two!
0_0
That's the best compliment I've ever received on my writing! :sobs hysterically: Thank you! :hugs:
I nearly missed this! And yes a little strange but that's what makes it good, original!
I love the style of you're writing, its mature yet also quite laid back so it's easy to read. Not many writers can get that combination right!
Meevs
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